Revving up

Starting today, I begin a relationship with my computer, with my keyboard, with that soothing feeling of typing away, clicking on these keys, feeling the flat, hard, stiff, and yet ever so comforting texture of each button as it gives way under my fingertips. They give in to me, every command I make, even when wrong, these keys are nimble and beautiful in their submission.  Such an allowance to let my creativity flow.  If I have any, that is.  Maybe they simply let my mistakes flow, but that’s okay too.  Whatever I am, art or flaw, these keys allow me to be me.

Allow my self to build up gradually, more and more, as I foster this circle of life.  My circle of life.  Thoughts build up in my mind, swirling around, collecting, gathering size, importance, and majesty, and are flushed down my skull through my body and shoot from my arms to my fingertips, like bolts of lightning, stunning these submissive keys and thrusting my mind straight into the computer.  The keys know their job: they continue this circle, this way of life for me, and light up the screen with what was, merely moments ago, only in my mind.  These small, seemingly insignificant keys have such power, to give my thoughts an escape from my mind.  My mind that always says, “no, you cannot be free, no you cannot persevere, and no, you cannot write – you will never complete anything, you will be stuck as a dreamer for life.”  But I am not merely a dreamer.  I have resolved to make myself more, because I know I am such!  I am not a dreamer, but a realist.  These thoughts will be free – I will take hold of them through this cycle, forcing them to power up and be released through my body, into my arms, out my fingertips, and onto this screen, where I will see them before me, and the cycle then begins.  My own thoughts, my own creation, like a newborn child, lies out in front of me, and can bare into my mind once again, through my retinas and into my skull where they originated.  But this time, things are much different.  This time these thoughts are not merely thoughts; they are creations.  My mind cannot bind them any longer, they have built up speed and with a running start as they leap and bound from this screen back into my mind, I feel them swirling, gathering, growing inside my head, into greater things.  Each thought grows stronger as it cycles through my body, fingertips, and computer screen, and this momentum is what drives me.  Starting up is the hardest part, but clearly, as is laid out in front of me now, the hardest part is done.  I have finally revved up these cogs and am in full gear; I can do this, I can write, I will create.

* Originally written on September 11, 2012