I have this incredibly unpopular view of the world and life which I have been fretting about for quite some time. It has begun to consume me, and I would love very much to be able to do something about it, but for now my only power is in thought and word.
I do wonder whether anyone out there can share my sentiments. I do not mean to ask whether anyone can find truth in my views, because truth can be found in most, if not all, things on Earth. I mean to ask, honestly, whether anyone actually, wholeheartedly agrees with me, and combs through their mind on a regular basis on how to come to terms with this, or even how to change it. Or, as I suspect I may be, am I alone? I am sure that if anyone does step up to agree, it will mean that I have not explained my thoughts properly, which I'm sure I haven't.
I honestly believe that if human beings did not try so hard to be a pack species and lived their lives independently of one another, everyone would be much happier. I do not believe at all that human beings need one another in any way; rather that solitude is the most natural way of life. Yet solidarity and the natural have all been hijacked and destroyed by this construct we call society.
Society brainwashes us into believing that community, friendship, and social interaction are what make our lives worth living; that we should be responsible for not only ourselves but for those around us, that we need each other in order to survive and thrive, and that there is one universal truth in everything. But what about the virtues of self understanding, a clear mind, and simplicity? Why is one’s own self not enough?
We make decisions for one another, hindering each others' ability to think for ourselves. We work together to create change and understanding in the world, or even just within our community, as if we could possibly come to a true compromise. But in compromise, do we not all give up part of what we believe in? Is community really worth allowing a part of yourself to be taken away and replaced by something you are not? It is incredibly hard to consider the idea that these widely accepted truths are not truths at all, but rather bits and pieces taken from the minds of people who are not yourself, that have been combined and shoved into your mind, pushing you out of the way. It is frustrating to think that our centers are sitting in our armpits and ear canals, having been moved aside out of our hearts and minds by the strongholds of society. And yet, while it should be so accessible, we are so well formed by society that all the digging in the world could not get ourselves back.
We have constructed ideas of how things should and shouldn't be, but in the process we have made living into an unnatural process. Nature grants us the gift of life, but as soon as we have hold of this life, we set off running in
any direction the hands of society direct us, and never look back. We are so far down our paths of humanity that it is impossible to look far enough back to see that the truths we hold to be self evident may not be truths at all, but rather lies we tell ourselves only because the world has asked us to.
I find myself standing here so far down this path society has nudged me into, that when I look back I can only see a labyrinth of twists and turns with ghostly figures at each corner. And I ask myself, where have I come from, which turns have I taken, and who has decided that turn for me? Have I chosen which paths I turn down, or have these ghostly figures I see been directing me through life? I suspect that I have never made a decision for myself, not once during my whole life. We are so deeply submerged in this labyrinth that we can not possibly find a way back to the start, back to our pure selves, and therefore cannot possibly say that we have ever been uninfluenced by the people in the world.
You may argue that, no, for just a moment during your first breath of life, as a small child without comprehensive skills, you were entirely yourself and nobody else. But tell me: were you not subjected to language as the murmurs of your mother or the doctors filled your ears? The moment you heard these sounds your mind began to learn; the beginning of your knowledge and growth was therefore determined by those who surrounded your mother as you entered the world. Were you not treated with care, or at least recognized as fragile, whether you were treated as such or not? The universal understanding that newborn babies are fragile, in need of care, and are wholly underdeveloped is a form in which the “knowledge” of society is put on you from your first moments, deciding for you who you are, before you have any chance to protest. Were your genitals not noted? There are inevitable and unavoidable communal understandings associated with sex, and yours was certainly noted, understood, and considered, thereby pushing you even slightly along your path, before you were even wiped clean.
Can you tell me why murder is wrong? Why is it wrong to kill another person? Why must you respect others? Why is it best to live a healthy life? Why must our parents love us and treat us well? Really think – do you
have a definitive answer; one that you can exert as absolutely true? Do you know why? I challenge you to think of one truth; any one thing that you can tell me, for sure, is true. I guarantee you cannot. There is nothing about ourselves that is not a societal construct. So who, really, are we?
I do not for a moment claim that I am excluded from society. I am a living, working, breathing part of this structure and I, too, help to push others in various directions just as I receive shoves from all angles, myself. Nobody, including myself, could find their way through the thickness of societal formation and dig back to their surface – it would take longer than a lifetime.
Why do we not value who we are as individuals, and stand strong, knowing with confidence that exactly who we are is exactly who we are meant to be? Why must we search for our “flaws,” the ones that society tells us we have, and “correct” them? Who are you to tell me that this or that is wrong about me? I am not referencing, here, society's ideas of body image or what music to enjoy. I am asking why it is wrong if I act rudely, but right when you are polite? We should know by now, from a very long history of constantly changing viewpoints, that nothing society deems as wrong or right can be trusted, so why do we trust these “truths?" Why do we trust ourselves?
I am too young to remember a time when people of color were wholeheartedly believed to be of lesser value than Caucasians, but if I am correct, this belief was trusted just as strongly as anything else. Just as today, those who believe in God, those who worship Allah, and those who find their spirituality in deities of the earth each know their faith to be the one truth. Those who believe homosexual relationships are unnatural for the human race believe this with their whole heart, and those who believe homosexuality to be an entirely acceptable and natural part of a human’s life also believe this with their whole heart. Prejudice, faith, and beliefs of all sorts are not a matter of right and wrong, or of knowledge and ignorance; they are a matter of popular and unpopular opinion – they are entirely shaped by society. I ask again: why do we place so much in the hands of society? Why do we trust ourselves as an overarching community to make decisions and decide for ourselves what is right and wrong?
We do not make our own decisions. We are not our own people. We live by the rules of our communities, which have been formed without a grain of truth. You do not know anything. Nothing at all. So don’t tell me how I should live my life; I am struggling hard enough trying to swim through what everyone else wants for me and find what I want for myself.
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